Сорри что выкладываю без перевода, но уж больно понравилось
"There was quite a spring in my step as I walked to the Waves auto dealership this morning; the GTR was finally out, and I was ready for a test drive! I've already taken NI's little coupe for a spin, and it drove fairly smoothly, but just didn't hum the way the vintage models do when driven hard. I've heard that the 2005 GTR would be a step up in this respect, and needless to say, I was quite excited. Yes, today would be a good day.
The salesperson, a stocky fellow dressed in the finest polyester suit 1985 has to offer, showed me some fancy videos about all the features, and excitedly showed me around the exterior of the floor model. It all went in one ear and out the other, because all I could think about was hitting the road and pushing this souped-up machine into overdrive. Finally, the words I'd been waiting for all this time: "So, would you like to take it out for a ride?" Damn right I did!
"Alright, you'll probably want to take your shoes off now, then".
"Umm, p-pardon me?", I replied. "Why would I want to remove my shoes?"
"Because it's very difficult to remove your pants while your shoes are on" was his answer. I said nothing for a moment, and expected Ashton Kutcher to burst from behind the nearby rubber tree plant, informing me that I had, indeed, been "punk'd".
After what must have been nearly a minute of making what was likely the stupidest expression I've ever worn in my life, I asked the obvious question. "uhh... er, my pants?"
"Yes!" he explained enthusiastically. He opened the car door to reveal a blue, phallic object made of semi-transparent plastic emerging from the center of the fancy bucket seats. It looked painfully large.
"This", he said with a grin, "is our anti-theft device, the I-Kok. It must be firmly inserted in order to operate our vehicles".
"Are you kidding me? Please be serious for a moment. I'm considering spending a significant portion of my income on one of your vehicles, and I don't appreciate your tomfoolery, sir..."
"Oh, it's not tomfoolery!" he said. "You see, there's a lot of stolen cars out there, which causes us to lose a significant amount of revenue. We can't just give these things away, you know. So, to deter theft, we require all of our customers to firmly insert the I-Kok into their appropriate port in order to operate all of our models. Without the I-Kok, your vehicle won't start. Everybody wins!"
"This is crazy!" I was nearly hyperventillating. "How am I supposed to drive with that thing... err... plugged in! How could it be safe?"
"It's true; the use of I-Kok does contribute to quite a few crashes. But the peace of mind that comes along with knowing that you're a really good guy who purchases his goods nice and legally... well, sir, that makes it all worth it".
"Well, I'll give it a test drive, but I don't like the idea of having to use this blue thing after I buy it".
His face grew very serious. "Sir, you do not understand. It is required to be inserted, even for the test drive".
This was all too much. "That's just insane. All I want to do is see if this is a good product; if it is, perhaps I'll deal with that... thing. But if it sucks, inserting that is just a painful and dangerous waste of time."
The salesman pondered this for a moment. "Yes, but you see, it works in all of the models we make. Just one I-Kok will start any of your Waves vehicles!"
"But I don't own any! That's why I'm here for a test drive! This is a pointless hinderance... and if I do use this thing, what happens if I lose it? My car will never start?"
He became serious again. "Waves can not offer replacements for lost or stolen I-Kok authorizations. We suggest insuring your I-Kok to cover the possibility of this happening."
"You know what? I'm leaving."
"Sure, you say that. But you know deep down you want this vehicle. Trust me, it will change the way people drive cars. It's just a hunk of blue plastic, it goes in pretty easily. It's so worth it."
"Well...." I stammered. "I don't really want that thing in my system, but I guess if it stops thieves..."
"Oh, hell no, it's never stopped one thief. Not once. It probably never will. Anyway, enjoy your ride!"
My test drive was obviously uncomfortable. I crashed a number of times, and the "installation" wasn't nearly as painless as I was informed.
I came to a red light, and squirmed around a bit. Speeding next to me was a teenager driving a shiny new GTR; it was running perfectly, and looks like he'd never crashed it once. Our eyes met awkwardly, and after a moment he leaned out the window.
"You don't look to comfortable there", he said.
"Yeah, i'm 'adjusting'. Did you get used to yours already?"
"Get used to my what?"
"The thing that goes, you know, in your system. I keep crashing because of this damn thing".
"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about" was his retort. "Nice ride, huh? I just got mine modified. Runs like a dream, never had a problem. Got a pretty good deal too." The light changed. "So long!"
As he left, I noticed his TEAM H20 licence plate.
fcuk this."
"There was quite a spring in my step as I walked to the Waves auto dealership this morning; the GTR was finally out, and I was ready for a test drive! I've already taken NI's little coupe for a spin, and it drove fairly smoothly, but just didn't hum the way the vintage models do when driven hard. I've heard that the 2005 GTR would be a step up in this respect, and needless to say, I was quite excited. Yes, today would be a good day.
The salesperson, a stocky fellow dressed in the finest polyester suit 1985 has to offer, showed me some fancy videos about all the features, and excitedly showed me around the exterior of the floor model. It all went in one ear and out the other, because all I could think about was hitting the road and pushing this souped-up machine into overdrive. Finally, the words I'd been waiting for all this time: "So, would you like to take it out for a ride?" Damn right I did!
"Alright, you'll probably want to take your shoes off now, then".
"Umm, p-pardon me?", I replied. "Why would I want to remove my shoes?"
"Because it's very difficult to remove your pants while your shoes are on" was his answer. I said nothing for a moment, and expected Ashton Kutcher to burst from behind the nearby rubber tree plant, informing me that I had, indeed, been "punk'd".
After what must have been nearly a minute of making what was likely the stupidest expression I've ever worn in my life, I asked the obvious question. "uhh... er, my pants?"
"Yes!" he explained enthusiastically. He opened the car door to reveal a blue, phallic object made of semi-transparent plastic emerging from the center of the fancy bucket seats. It looked painfully large.
"This", he said with a grin, "is our anti-theft device, the I-Kok. It must be firmly inserted in order to operate our vehicles".
"Are you kidding me? Please be serious for a moment. I'm considering spending a significant portion of my income on one of your vehicles, and I don't appreciate your tomfoolery, sir..."
"Oh, it's not tomfoolery!" he said. "You see, there's a lot of stolen cars out there, which causes us to lose a significant amount of revenue. We can't just give these things away, you know. So, to deter theft, we require all of our customers to firmly insert the I-Kok into their appropriate port in order to operate all of our models. Without the I-Kok, your vehicle won't start. Everybody wins!"
"This is crazy!" I was nearly hyperventillating. "How am I supposed to drive with that thing... err... plugged in! How could it be safe?"
"It's true; the use of I-Kok does contribute to quite a few crashes. But the peace of mind that comes along with knowing that you're a really good guy who purchases his goods nice and legally... well, sir, that makes it all worth it".
"Well, I'll give it a test drive, but I don't like the idea of having to use this blue thing after I buy it".
His face grew very serious. "Sir, you do not understand. It is required to be inserted, even for the test drive".
This was all too much. "That's just insane. All I want to do is see if this is a good product; if it is, perhaps I'll deal with that... thing. But if it sucks, inserting that is just a painful and dangerous waste of time."
The salesman pondered this for a moment. "Yes, but you see, it works in all of the models we make. Just one I-Kok will start any of your Waves vehicles!"
"But I don't own any! That's why I'm here for a test drive! This is a pointless hinderance... and if I do use this thing, what happens if I lose it? My car will never start?"
He became serious again. "Waves can not offer replacements for lost or stolen I-Kok authorizations. We suggest insuring your I-Kok to cover the possibility of this happening."
"You know what? I'm leaving."
"Sure, you say that. But you know deep down you want this vehicle. Trust me, it will change the way people drive cars. It's just a hunk of blue plastic, it goes in pretty easily. It's so worth it."
"Well...." I stammered. "I don't really want that thing in my system, but I guess if it stops thieves..."
"Oh, hell no, it's never stopped one thief. Not once. It probably never will. Anyway, enjoy your ride!"
My test drive was obviously uncomfortable. I crashed a number of times, and the "installation" wasn't nearly as painless as I was informed.
I came to a red light, and squirmed around a bit. Speeding next to me was a teenager driving a shiny new GTR; it was running perfectly, and looks like he'd never crashed it once. Our eyes met awkwardly, and after a moment he leaned out the window.
"You don't look to comfortable there", he said.
"Yeah, i'm 'adjusting'. Did you get used to yours already?"
"Get used to my what?"
"The thing that goes, you know, in your system. I keep crashing because of this damn thing".
"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about" was his retort. "Nice ride, huh? I just got mine modified. Runs like a dream, never had a problem. Got a pretty good deal too." The light changed. "So long!"
As he left, I noticed his TEAM H20 licence plate.
fcuk this."
rinka:
ray: 
это веселая истори (если бы не была такой печальной), которая однако отражает суть вещей. просто перенесли ситуацию с "железной" защитой на автомобильную тематику.
